Father’s Day Is for Fathers

Father's Day is for Fathers

Yesterday I saw this ad for Angel Soft wishing single moms a Happy Father’s Day. It is a beautiful ad. There are definitely some heartfelt emotions in this ad. Having been raised by a single mom myself I understand where those emotions come from. I, too, used to celebrate my mother on Father’s Day because she was all I had. She did it all! But she could not be that father figure that I needed in my life. Now, seeing my husband with our children I understand that Father’s Day is for fathers. I could never replace my husband and his love for our kids. He interacts with them completely different than I do.

 

 

He is the fun dad. He runs around with them for hours after a long day of work,  from swings to video games, table hockey, roughhousing and mid-air tosses. I get bored with being outside after 30 minutes to an hour. That’s not to mention the heart palpitations I get when they are jumping leaps and bounds on the playground. He is the perfect compliment to my semi-helicopter mom self. They love it when he tosses them in the air. My kids weigh between 27lbs and 43lbs so there is no way I would be tossing them at all, especially because I’m not sure I would be able to catch them.

 

His bedtime routine is much more intricate. They brush their teeth, followed by peepee time. Then a bible story with plenty of questions to follow to make sure that they understand the story. Then they pray. Last but not least he does these “upside-down walks” with them where he flips them upside down and has them walk on the ceiling to their beds. Let me refer you back to their weights. Upside-down walks are not happening with me! When I put them to bed I’m usually beat. My bedtime routine is brush, pee, pray, kisses and sleep. My routine is maybe 15 minutes while my husband’s is anywhere from 45 min to an hour. I pick on him about it, but I love it. I love hearing them laugh. Those laughs are memories in the making.

 

He is the best role model of a man. In my I’m talking to the man in the mirror post, I explained why I want to be the best example of a woman for the kids. I want to show them how to love themselves. In the same regard, who better to show my son how to be a man, a husband, and a leader than his father? Who better to show my daughters how to be loved and treated by a man than their father? Even though most of the effects of this we may not see until the kids are older, you can already see some now. I find myself referencing my husband when explaining how to act to my son. It is easier for him to correlate himself to Daddy because they are both boys.

 

Single mothers have to deal with a lot, no doubt about it. They are some of the hardest working people out there. They have to be strong and they have to take on more than most. But all that makes them is a strong mother, not a father. It is time we start accepting who we are and play our role as we are meant to do. Sure, you take them to school, you provide, and you taught them how to pee standing up but that is part of your role anyways. As a Proverbs 31 woman you do what it takes to take care of your family. That doesn’t mean you take on the role of the father.

 

Fathers are a crucial aspect of parenting that our children need. I didn’t realize how much I missed out on by not having my father around until I had kids myself. There was much hurt and rejection I held on to because he wasn’t there. Even with all that you do there will always be something missing. Even with all that you do, there will always be something you will never be able to provide.

 

The funny thing is, if the roles were reversed and we were to wish single fathers Happy Mother’s Day (with a similar ad to boot), there would be an uproar. “He didn’t carry that baby for 10 months. He didn’t go through the pains of labor. He can’t be a mother because he’s a man.” The same rules apply here: you can’t be a father.

 

Single moms, enjoy your day in May and leave Father’s Day for the fathers.

 

Happy Father’s Day to all the Fathers!

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Comments

  1. Reply

    I have a hard time with this. I was raised by a single mom and was a single mom myself for many years. I’m torn. On one hand, I agree. Father’s Day should be for dads. But on the hand, having a dead beat to deal with it’s hard to raise children on your own and you have to be both mom and dad. Even though you aren’t a man and can’t show that side of things, you are being both in a sense. I knew I could never be dad. My mom couldn’t be either. But on Father’s Day I remember once saying to her, thank you for being my mom and dad. Because she worked SO hard to build a life for us without the help of my dad. For some it’s a reality that they don’t want, but unfortunately have to live. And I don’t think it’s fair to take that away. If they are truly doing both parents’ jobs that’s the case and who are we to say otherwise.

    1. Reply

      Hi Thomasina. I appreciate your comment. It is heartfelt and honest. It took me some decades to change of heart on this issue. So I understand you being torn. My mom worked hard as a single mom, while my dad was nowhere to be found. However, no matter what my mother did she could not replace the feelings of disappointment and bitterness of not having a father around. Celebrating a mother on father’s day is putting added pressure on a mom that is not needed. You are now acknowledging that they do need to be 2 very different people, which is impossible to do. You are essentially setting them up for failure because try as they may they might not be able to get ride of the pain, bitterness, disappointment, or sense of abandonment their child/children may be feeling. Instead you may be creating an environment where they get to hide from the truth. If a child doesn’t have a father present but still wants to celebrate Father’s day, I suggest they celebrate the father that can never let them down. The one who will always be there when they need him. Celebrate God! He is the best father any one of us can ask for. Plus they can pray for the heart of father they have. Or for God to send them a father. Of course know that means you may be getting married 😉

  2. Reply

    I totally agree! You did a wonderful job with this post. There are some things only a father can provide. Your children are blessed to have your husband.

    1. Reply

      Thank you JcCee! They are blessed! I thank God for him daily.

  3. Reply

    My uncle missed out raising his kids and celebrating Fathers Day due to work. There was no internet or cell phones so it was rather awkward when he visited once a year. Now that everyone is older they understand. Happy Fathers Day!!

  4. Reply

    What a wonderful post. You did a super job of giving single moms (actually all moms) the recognition they deserve but you are right, they (we) can never take the place of a father. Your husband sounds wonderful. Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers!

    1. Reply

      Thank you Mama Carmody!

  5. Reply

    I love the message of this post and totally agree!

    1. Reply

      Thank you Jessica!

  6. Reply

    I have a friend who is an awesome single mom who just posted that she did not want anyone wishing her a happy Father’s Day! I think it’s great that you acknowledge the special and complementary roles played by both parents. I love your description of your husband’s bedtime routine. He sounds like a great dad.

    1. Reply

      Leslie, tell your friend I said keep doing an amazing job! Single moms work hard enough, they don’t need pretending to be a father added to their list of things to do. They can show their children they are still loved even without a father. Thanks for sharing!

  7. Reply

    My husband was missing a father for part of his childhood, and it was very hard on him. I feel so grateful to have not only a father in my life, but a good one. The influence they have is amazing.

    1. Reply

      Amy, I completely understand how your husband felt. It was hard on me too I just never acknowledged it. Cherish your father and always let him know how much he means to you. Enjoy Father’s Day with him!

  8. Reply

    There are certain things that a mother just can’t teach her children as effectively as a father can. Your children are lucky to have an involved and present father in their lives.

    1. Reply

      You hit the nail on the head. There are some things they need from their father.

  9. Reply

    Your husband is an amazing man, and your kids are blessed to have such a great daddy. He deserves to be celebrated!

    1. Reply

      Thanks so much! He is an awesome father. I thank God that my kids get to experience something I didn’t.

  10. Reply

    Totally agree with you!

    1. Reply

      Thank you!

  11. Reply

    Great Read Stan! LOL @ Dad’s longer bed time routine…too funny! But yes! Father’s Day is for the Fathers! 🙂

    1. Reply

      Thank you! He loves doing it.

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