Yesterday I saw this ad for Angel Soft wishing single moms a Happy Father’s Day. It is a beautiful ad. There are definitely some heartfelt emotions in this ad. Having been raised by a single mom myself I understand where those emotions come from. I, too, used to celebrate my mother on Father’s Day because she was all I had. She did it all! But she could not be that father figure that I needed in my life. Now, seeing my husband with our children I understand that Father’s Day is for fathers. I could never replace my husband and his love for our kids. He interacts with them completely different than I do.
He is the fun dad. He runs around with them for hours after a long day of work, from swings to video games, table hockey, roughhousing and mid-air tosses. I get bored with being outside after 30 minutes to an hour. That’s not to mention the heart palpitations I get when they are jumping leaps and bounds on the playground. He is the perfect compliment to my semi-helicopter mom self. They love it when he tosses them in the air. My kids weigh between 27lbs and 43lbs so there is no way I would be tossing them at all, especially because I’m not sure I would be able to catch them.
His bedtime routine is much more intricate. They brush their teeth, followed by peepee time. Then a bible story with plenty of questions to follow to make sure that they understand the story. Then they pray. Last but not least he does these “upside-down walks” with them where he flips them upside down and has them walk on the ceiling to their beds. Let me refer you back to their weights. Upside-down walks are not happening with me! When I put them to bed I’m usually beat. My bedtime routine is brush, pee, pray, kisses and sleep. My routine is maybe 15 minutes while my husband’s is anywhere from 45 min to an hour. I pick on him about it, but I love it. I love hearing them laugh. Those laughs are memories in the making.
He is the best role model of a man. In my I’m talking to the man in the mirror post, I explained why I want to be the best example of a woman for the kids. I want to show them how to love themselves. In the same regard, who better to show my son how to be a man, a husband, and a leader than his father? Who better to show my daughters how to be loved and treated by a man than their father? Even though most of the effects of this we may not see until the kids are older, you can already see some now. I find myself referencing my husband when explaining how to act to my son. It is easier for him to correlate himself to Daddy because they are both boys.
Single mothers have to deal with a lot, no doubt about it. They are some of the hardest working people out there. They have to be strong and they have to take on more than most. But all that makes them is a strong mother, not a father. It is time we start accepting who we are and play our role as we are meant to do. Sure, you take them to school, you provide, and you taught them how to pee standing up but that is part of your role anyways. As a Proverbs 31 woman you do what it takes to take care of your family. That doesn’t mean you take on the role of the father.
Fathers are a crucial aspect of parenting that our children need. I didn’t realize how much I missed out on by not having my father around until I had kids myself. There was much hurt and rejection I held on to because he wasn’t there. Even with all that you do there will always be something missing. Even with all that you do, there will always be something you will never be able to provide.
The funny thing is, if the roles were reversed and we were to wish single fathers Happy Mother’s Day (with a similar ad to boot), there would be an uproar. “He didn’t carry that baby for 10 months. He didn’t go through the pains of labor. He can’t be a mother because he’s a man.” The same rules apply here: you can’t be a father.
Single moms, enjoy your day in May and leave Father’s Day for the fathers.