I’ve put things aside for the good of others… But, when is it my turn? When is enough, enough? What about my needs?
I remember feeling this way for quite a bit. Every now and then it would come on and off, sort of like a mood swing. I had big dreams of traveling. I saw myself working in government making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. I would be living in a large house with a maid, owning multiple properties and land. After all of that I would get married to a handsome husband. I didn’t want any man to say they got me to where I was going. I wanted to be able to say, “I did that, not you!” I would be living the life!
News flash: plans change! I met my husband and after about a year and a half of dating we got married. Yay! “That’s not too much of a detour,” I thought. “Now I have someone to help me with the bills.”
A couple of months later I found out I was pregnant (insert angry face here). That meant I got pregnant on my wedding night (boo!). “Ok, no problem.” I thought. “We can deal.” Not long after, I finally got my dream starter job to get my foot into the government realm. Until… God told me to leave.
“Say what?! That wasn’t the plan God! …Hello? Can you hear me?”
Fast forward about a year or so, and I got into real estate. I loved being a realtor! It brought out a passion I have never felt with my previous positions. Too bad I had little success in it! Before I knew it, I had 2 more kids. So now I had 3 kids, each a little less than two years apart. God then tells me, “You’re going to be home for a little bit.”
“Oh, ok God. My body is a tired anyways, so I might as well take a break. Plus the kids need me. That sounds like a good idea”. After about six months I began asking, “So… exactly how long is a little bit? Remember those dreams God? When are we going to start working on those?”
“Ok, I guess I’ll wait a little while longer (sigh).” Too bad I couldn’t do it patiently. Just a few months later I went back with the same questions. “What about me God? My husband has a job that he loves. He gets to travel and enjoy his dreams come true. My kids… well they are my kids, what’s not to love? But, I never dreamed of being a mom. I’m really good at it but it was never really part of my dream. When will my dreams come true? How much longer? There has to be more than me cleaning, paying bills, and being bored.”
He finally answered me. Thank goodness I was sitting down when He did because it took my breath away.
When are you going to stop asking ‘what about me?’ When do you plan to start asking Me what I want you to do? Who do I want you to help? Where do I want you to go? What kind of person I want you to be?
The dreams I gave you were so you could see yourself further along than where you are. Some were promises from Me and the others you made up because you though it would automatically come with the territory. I am not your wishing well. I am your Father. I know what I have for you and how I will make it come to pass. My promises have more than just you in mind. It’s not just you anymore.
Right now I’m trying to get you off the rocky side of this mountain you keep putting yourself on by grabbing whatever comes your way. Stop being so selfish. Stop worrying about My job, because I can do it better than you. Be patient… I haven’t forgotten about your desires. You wouldn’t let me anyways.
Seriously, talk about getting a reality check! I was basically saying, “Forget everyone else! Bless me! Bless me!” Thank God for grace! I can only imagine how frustrated I would have been hearing my child ask me the same thing over and over for their own selfish gain.
My life may not have been going according to plan, but that’s only because they were my plans. I never consulted God on any of it. I now pose the questions to you:
When are you going to stop asking, “What about me?” When do you plan on asking God about what He wants you to do? Who He wants you to help? Where He wants you to go? What kind of person He wants you to be?
Talk to God daily and He will direct your path. Hope my gut check helped you today!